Heroin is a hell of a drug. It’s interesting to me to see how others judge someone when they find out he is junky. The media has effectively vilified heroin to the point that being classified as a junky is about the same as being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Is a junky ill? yes. I suppose so. But using heroin or, his choice to use heroin, is not an indication of him having a death wish or a complete disregard for the value his own life. Quite to the contrary, I’d be willing to bet that most junkies love being alive. After all you can not get high when you are dead. Rather, I’d say his choice to use, it is a weighted calculation, that, to the junky, at the moment of all consuming desire, seems a rational choice. After all what would make more sense than doing something that will not only remove considerable physical discomfort, but will also propel him into a state of absolute content. A state that allows him to forget about the person he just robbed or the loved one left waiting on him. In that initial rush the feeling is so intense it is impossible for him not to sigh with sick indifference to everything around him. A smile spreads across his face, smug because nothing in the world matters, absolutely nothing can slow him down. All that will of course dissolve and nature, very appropriately, taxes him with a sickness that is as unpleasant as the high was amazing. It is how the universe works. Everything will eventually balance itself to obtain an equilibrium. If his desire to use is greater than his desire to quit, there is an imbalance he will rectify. Maybe for him, his desire to use is so strong that only complete and utter destruction can deliver enough weight on the side of getting clean to cause him to quit. Maybe, his desire to use will always be the dominant force, and he will always use. The problem with kicking dope is that the good that comes of it often takes too long to set in a be appreciated by him. Before he can appreciated the beauty of sobriety the desire to use overwhelms him and he caves. More imbalances are created that are most easily counterbalanced by dope. It’s a cycle that sucks. A cycle I hate being stuck in.

http://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/comments/kz0rp/thoughts_from_a_junky/